Mike's Minutiae

A review of fines levied by other federal agencies suggests that the government may be taking swear words a bit too seriously. If the bill [that would raise the maximum FCC fine to $500,000 per violation] passes the Senate, Bono saying "fucking brilliant" on the air would carry the exact same penalty as illegally testing pesticides on human subjects. And for the price of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the Super Bowl, you could cause the wrongful death of an elderly patient in a nursing home and still have enough money left to create dangerous mishaps at two nuclear reactors. (Actually, you might be able to afford four "nuke malfunctions": The biggest fine levied by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission last year was only $60,000.)

Misdirection is also very important in magic. Misdirection is to direct audience eyes and minds to one place or trail. For example, when vanishing an object, you take the object in one hand and place it in the other. There the process of misdirection starts. You have to make people believe that the object is in your hand and that you're doing magic movements, and throwing magic powders and blowing. While you do this (the misdirection) you are doing your dirty work with the other hand.

Golden Gate Bridge officials are seething that a moviemaker who told them he was working on a "day in the life" project about the landmark was, in fact, capturing people on film as they jumped to their deaths.

Eric Steel initially told officials he planned to spend a year filming the "powerful and spectacular interaction between the monument and nature" and that his work was to be the first in a series of documentaries about national monuments such as the St. Louis Arch and the Statue of Liberty. That's how he got the Golden Gate National Recreation Area's permission to set up cameras on parkland overlooking Fort Point.

Now, however, Steel has revealed in an e-mail to bridge officials that the cameras -- which were operating almost continuously during daylight hours for all of 2004 -- filmed most of the 19 jumpers who went off the bridge last year plus a number of attempted suicides.

The Golden Gate Bridge for years has been the No. 1 suicide landmark in the world. About 1,300 people are known to have jumped since the bridge opened in 1937, but experts believe more than 2,000 actually have taken the fatal plunge.

In 1976, an engineer named Roger Grimes began agitating for a barrier on the Golden Gate. He walked up and down the bridge wearing a sandwich board that said "Please Care. Support a Suicide Barrier." He gave up a few years ago, stunned that in an area as famously liberal as San Francisco, where you can always find a constituency for the view that pets should be citizens or that poison oak has a right to exist, there was so little empathy for the depressed. "People were very hostile," Grimes told me. "They would throw soda cans at me, or yell, "Jump!"

Jim Jones and six hundred of his followers participated in a massive anti-suicide demostration on the Golden Gate Bridge. Each protester wore an armband bearing the name of a suicide who had gone off the bridge; the object was to convince the bridge authority to install suicide barriers to prevent people from climbing the low railing and leaping to their deaths. The media showed up and Jones delivered a speech which, in retrospect seemed chillingly ironic:... 'I have been in a suicidal mood myself today for perhaps the first time in my life, so I have personal empathy for what we are doing here today.'

Exposure to suicide method through media reports can encourage vulnerable individuals to imitate it. Clinicians believe the danger is even greater if there is a detailed description of the method. Research indicates that detailed descriptions or pictures of the location or site of a suicide encourage imitation.

Though the phone survey depicted broad affinity with religion, the face-to-face interviews found that many teens' religious knowledge was "meager, nebulous and often fallacious" and engagement with the substance of their traditions remarkably shallow. Most seemed hard put to express coherently their beliefs and what difference they make.

Many were so detached from the traditions of their faith, says the report, that they're virtually following a different creed in which an undemanding God exists mostly to solve problems and make people feel good. Truth in any absolute, theological sense, takes a back seat.

"God is something like a combination Divine Butler and Cosmic Therapist" who's on call as needed, [sociologist Christian] Smith writes.

Eleven local officials in northern New Jersey -- including three small-town mayors -- have been charged in a federal corruption sting.

Ten of the Monmouth County officials were accused Tuesday of extorting cash bribes and free work from a contractor who was working undercover for the FBI, and the other was charged with money laundering, prosecutors said....

Among those arrested Tuesday were the mayors of Hazlet, Keyport and West Long Branch, small, blue-collar towns along the Jersey shore south of New York City.

State highway officials have a new weapon to prevent traffic jams caused by motorists who slow down to look at car accidents.

The Massachusetts Highway Department has bought 27 sets of large, portable, vinyl screens, to use statewide. The goal is to keep drivers moving.

"It's a great tool for us to prevent congestion," state Highway Commissioner John Cogliano said. "It's been very effective in stopping rubbernecking during traffic incidents."

You guys are like rerun stories. This is just -- this is old stuff. I mean, it's like watching Sanford and Son, you know, you just, rerun after rerun after rerun. You guys, it's like, what, I mean, you can't -- it's almost comical, basically. I mean, we've got alcohol that's the No. 1 killer in America and we legalize that to buy in the store. You've got, you know, you've got tobacco number two, three killer in America, we legalize that. There's other issues. You guys are going to be the same people next week as some tragedy happened, how we need to save our children and everything else and next week, you're the same people sitting there coming, how we should be doing this and how we're evil people, or, you know, you guys, it's one thing after another. You know, pick one side or the other. Are y'all going to be good people or are you all going to be who you are and make the game or sports what it is? It's become "Hard Copy" all day long. Are you guys jealous? Upset? Disappointed? What?

[...]

All you guys lied. All of y'all and the story or whatever have lied. Should you have asterisk behind your name? All of you lied. All of you have said something wrong. All of you have dirt. All of you. When your closet's clean, then come clean somebody else's. But clean yours first, okay.

"Resources for the expression of informality in writing have hugely increased -- something not seen in English since the Middle Ages," said David Crystal, an author and linguistics professor at the University of Wales at Bangor....

Some believe the informality of internet-mediated communication is causing the language to deteriorate.

"The prophets of doom emerge every time a new technology influences language, of course -- they gathered when printing was introduced in the 15th century," Crystal said.

But linguists should be "exulting," he said, in the ability the internet gives us to "explore the power of the written language in a creative way."

"Society tells us what the book should look like," said Jim Palma, marketing director for the directory-publishing business of Verizon Communications Inc., which is based near Dallas. "It's a living record of what's going on in society."

The 1952 phone book for Dumas, a small town in the Texas Panhandle, included listings for adding machines and phonographic records. As recently as 1976, the book for the Dallas suburb of Plano had nothing under computers but plenty for citizen's band radios.

Phone companies say their books will survive the Internet because they're handier than a computer when sitting at the kitchen table.

Now that the FCC has officially concluded that broadcasters should rely on marketplace negotiations for cable carriage of any digital spin-off channels, don't expect the high school football game or local City Council meeting.

That was the kind of programming broadcasters were pledging to offer up in exchange for mandatory cable carriage, and they could have done that with at least some of that real estate had they gotten a government guarantee that all their extra channels would get space.

Think of broadcasters as George Bailey trying to build a Bedford Falls community theater but forced into opening up another Pottersville Burlesque House when the government refuses to lend a helping hand. If I were a broadcaster, that is the story I would be telling to my nearest and dearest Congressperson.

"You sit around here and you spin your little webs and you think the whole world revolves around you and your money. Well, it doesn't, Mr. Potter!" ~~George Bailey to Mr. Potter in It's a Wonderful Life

American soldiers traumatised by fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan are to be offered the drug ecstasy to help free them of flashbacks and recurring nightmares.

The US food and drug administration has given the go-ahead for the soldiers to be included in an experiment to see if MDMA, the active ingredient in ecstasy, can treat post-traumatic stress disorder.

"Getting to meet [Kim Peek] the real-life Rain Man was inspirational." Peek was shy and introspective, but he sat and held Tammet's hand for hours. "We shared so much - our love of key dates from history, for instance."

Iranian media has been gripped by a kind of "flying object" fever with dozens of reported sightings in recent weeks. State-run media has reported numerous sightings of unknown objects flying over parts of Iran where nuclear facilities are located.

Portugal is holding a day of national mourning for Sister Lucia, the last of three shepherd children who claimed to have seen the Virgin Mary appear.

Sister Lucia de Jesus dos Santos will be buried later on Tuesday at a convent in the city of Coimbra. The Roman Catholic nun died on Sunday, aged 97....

Sister Lucia was just 10 when she and her two younger cousins, Francisco Marto and his sister Jacinta, are said to have seen the Virgin Mary above an olive tree near Fatima.

The cousins were tending sheep when they saw the visions.

The world's leading expert on ketchup's early years is Andrew F. Smith, a substantial man, well over six feet, with a graying mustache and short wavy black hair. Smith is a scholar, trained as a political scientist, intent on bringing rigor to the world of food. When we met for lunch not long ago at the restaurant Savoy in SoHo (chosen because of the excellence of its hamburger and French fries, and because Savoy makes its own ketchup--a dark, peppery, and viscous variety served in a white porcelain saucer), Smith was in the throes of examining the origins of the croissant for the upcoming "Oxford Encyclopedia of Food and Drink in America," of which he is the editor-in-chief. Was the croissant invented in 1683, by the Viennese, in celebration of their defeat of the invading Turks? Or in 1686, by the residents of Budapest, to celebrate their defeat of the Turks? Both explanations would explain its distinctive crescent shape--since it would make a certain cultural sense (particularly for the Viennese) to consecrate their battlefield triumphs in the form of pastry. But the only reference Smith could find to either story was in the Larousse Gastronomique of 1938. "It just doesn't check out," he said, shaking his head wearily.

Robert Duvall and James Caan aren't taking themselves or their latest reunion seriously. No, the pair find anything and everything funny, especially the fact that they're reprising their memorable roles for "The Godfather" video game....

"Not to be maudlin about it, but my kids can play with me after I'm gone," says Caan, sitting next to Duvall in a suite at the Four Seasons....

Before his death last year, Marlon Brando recorded his voice for the Electronic Arts' game, which loosely follows the film's plot. In the game, players create unique personas and go at it in shoot-'em-up missions similar to the "Grand Theft Auto" series. They'll also be able to interact with the likes of Caan's mobster Sonny Corleone and Duvall's consigliere Tom Hagen.

For the first time, Billboard magazine will include songs sold by download in its weekly calculation of the nation's top hits. The change reflects the booming popularity of digital music players like Apple's iPod, which has accounted for dramatic increases in download sales.

Billboard's Hot 100 list has always been the music industry's chief hit barometer, from the days of sheet music to 45 rpm records to now, when many people buy songs through services like iTunes. It's the list people cite when they talk about having a No. 1 hit — as Mario has had for seven weeks in a row with "Let Me Love You."

The list was calculated for years using a combination of radio airplay and retail sales. That changed in the late 1990s, when the music industry largely phased out the single as a product. Some singles were being sold at a deep discount in what Billboard concluded was an effort to manipulate the charts, so for the last several years the rankings have been almost totally based on radio play, said Geoff Mayfield, Billboard's director of charts....

"It really helps bring back the consumers' voices," Mayfield said.

A wild turkey who lived life in the fast lane near this eastern Iowa town has died doing what he did best -- chasing cars.

The turkey, called Chuck by some and Jake by others, showed up more than a year ago and starting harassing drivers by standing in the road with his feathers ruffled.

Neighbors say the turkey was run over Jan. 31 by a car flying through town that no one recognized. They buried him.

"At least you can't say he lived a dull life," said Shirley Hadenfeldt, who lives nearby.

Hearing shocking news, such as learning of the death of a loved one, really can break your heart, US researchers say.

A team from Johns Hopkins University suggests patients can suffer days-long surges in adrenalin and other stress hormones which "stun" the heart.

The popularity of the satellite-based global positioning system has led to the closure of lighthouses along the German coast. Many more may soon be extinguished. But critics question whether the new system is reliable and safe enough to warrant the closure of these historical beacons of safety....

With the high cost of maintaining lighthouses and the ubiquity of global positioning system (GPS)-based satellite navigation systems and highly sophisticated electronic sea maps that pin-point route information aboard virtually all major freighter ships and tankers, the physical need for lighthouses has greatly diminished in many areas. Along Germany's rivers, which are major shipping lanes in their own right, directional radio beacons now help to guide ships. But GPS, a service of the United States military with satellites that circumnavigate the globe, remains the only system available that covers the entire open sea. In addition to helping cars and cruise missiles find their destinations and targets, it also guides the ships of the world's merchant marines. And that, unfortunately, spells bad news for the fate of Germany's lighthouses.

Virginians who wear their pants so low their underwear shows may want to think about investing in a stronger belt.

The state's House of Delegates passed a bill Tuesday authorizing a $50 fine for anyone who displays his or her underpants in a "lewd or indecent manner."

Del. Lionell Spruill Sr., a Democrat who opposed the bill, had pleaded with his colleagues to remember their own youthful fashion follies.

"To rock or not to rock," this is the critical question rocking many Christian churches today, including an increasing number of Seventh-day Adventist churches. A generation ago there was almost universal agreement that rock music, in whatever version, was inappropriate for personal and church use.... Today, if a Christian teenager wants to listen to the same "worldly music"–and in many cases much worse–he can do so with the encouragement of his family, church, Christian school, and friends.

The basic musical elements of rock, including "Christian" rock, are volume, repetition, and beat. It is a music designed not to be heard, but to be felt, to be drowned in. "Turn on, dive in and drop out" is the motto and the effect searched for. Its main instruments are amplified electrical guitars, electrical bass, drum set with a dominating one-beat, often accentuated on the second and the fourth beat. Keyboard instruments like piano and synthesizers are often added.

Rock music conveys a physically driven feeling called "groove." This feeling is caused by a slight difference in timing between the main "one-beat" in the drums and the "offbeat" effect of the other instruments or the singers. This "groove feeling" compels people to dance. Some "bang" it out with the whole body.

Diamond relates the unexpected way in which he came to research the effects of the rock beat. "Several years ago my research on the effect of music took an unexpected turn. Shopping in the record department of a large New York store, I became weak and restless and generally ill at ease. The place was vibrating with rock music. Later I did the obvious thing–I tested the effect of this music. . . . Using hundreds of subjects, I found that listening to rock music frequently causes all the muscles in the body to go weak. The normal pressure required to overpower a strong deltoid muscle in an adult male is about 40 to 45 pounds. When rock music is played, only 10 to 15 pounds is needed."

Comcast is also the largest 100% Broadband ISP with over 5 million high-speed Internet customers and thousands of business customers.

The next time a conclave unfolds in Rome, some 6,000 journalists are expected to descend on the Eternal City to cover the death of John Paul II and report on the election of his successor. The man in white who emerges from the Sistine Chapel at its conclusion will automatically become one of the most important figures on earth, a leader who commands a unique combination of political and spiritual power. Depending on how he chooses to exercise that power, governments and political systems may rise or fall, religious wars may heat up or abate, and the Church may undergo a radical transformation.

• The Apostrophe Protection Society:

  The Apostrophe Protection Society was started in 2001 by John Richards, now its Chairman, with the specific aim of preserving the correct use of this currently much abused punctuation mark in all forms of text written in the English language.

  Its a worthy site--no linguists labor's lost there!
  
  
• Celebrity Life Masks: A little bit silly, perhaps. A whole lot creepy, definitely. Yet I'm still very tempted to get the Hitchcock. On the other hand, of course, Geena Davis? Wha?
  
  
• The club of pathetic former MTV VJs includes Riki Rachtman (look! he managed 275 members for his Yahoo group!), Tabitha Soren (not a VJ, but clearly pathetic), and Kennedy. The club of still cool former MTV VJs include my ex-coworker Matt Pinfield (although you wouldn't know it from that link, and he's also on my shitlist right now) and (surprisingly) Adam Curry.

Scantily clad women help sell cars. And there's nothing wrong with using the odd man in a G-string to advertise shoes.

But when a clothes company tried presenting a group of well-dressed women in a Last Supper style pose, their poster campaign was banned in Milan.

The poster, by French fashion house Marithé and François Gribaud, is a version of Leonardo da Vinci's work with an almost all-female cast. Angelic-looking women clad in the company's "casual chic" pose around a long table as Christ and his apostles. One man, John the Baptist, sits on a woman's lap, his torso bare and jeans riding low.

Ladies and gentlemen, the week began with news of the death of Johnny Carson... and was followed immediately by what can only be called a barrage of revisionist show business.... Now I'm going to save my own personal Johnny Carson stories for my memoirs, not yet written, but my memory of the show is most accurately reflected in this piece of work....

Talking on a cell phone makes you drive like a retiree — even if you're only a teen, a new study shows. A report from the University of Utah says when motorists between 18 and 25 talk on cell phones, they drive like elderly people — moving and reacting more slowly and increasing their risk of accidents.

"If you put a 20-year-old driver behind the wheel with a cell phone, his reaction times are the same as a 70-year-old driver," said David Strayer, a University of Utah psychology professor and principal author of the study. "It's like instant aging."